Nothing is easy

I've been feeling like my stomach has been blowing up out of control and only at 14 weeks, I literally look like I'm 6 months along. I've been due to have my 3 hour glucose test since my doctor said I was at risk for developing gestational diabetes due to: race, age and family history...but have been putting it off because I've been feeling poorly. Seeing that I've still been feeling so out of it and also looking at the size of my large bump, I got concerned and asked a friend who had G.D to bring her testing kit. So far my glucose level has been high after breakfast. But then again, I did eat a high in carb break: wheat english muffin with butter and 1/2 a purple sweet potato. I'm gonna try to eat a more diabetic friendly diet for lunch and hope that my levels even out. At this point, I don't think I can deal with feeling sick and knowing that I have gestational diabetes. 


I'm keeping my fingers crossed that after my 3 hr test, all will be clear. Pregnancy is complicated! There's no one thing that's easy peasy about it. I'll never take it for granted or look at women with children as pansies in any way again. Women Power! :)

Week 14 only? But I am thankful.

I woke up this morning convinced I was at week 15, but alas...the bump.com told me via email that I'm only at 14. Darn da darn....

Yesterday, my uber religious Christian mother told me that although she sympathizes with my morning sickness pains, that I'm not being thankful enough. To a lady who is super hormonal and actually living the pain, it's not something I wanted to hear. But then later in the afternoon, I read a friend's blog posting about her new baby boy. This friend's story is so incredibly heartbreaking and really resonates with me probably more so now since I'm a mommy-to-be. She is 31, got married a week before I did, conceived easily, had a relatively smooth pregnancy, doing all the right things, eating healthy, exercising, etc. All was good until the day of her son's birth. He came out through emergency c-section fine, but when the pediatrician came by to check on him, they found signs of Down Syndrome. On top of that, he has a case where he has 2 holes in one of the valves of his heart and will need open heart surgery at 5 months. Can you imagine? After excitedly waiting for your new arrival for 9 months...all of a sudden, your world comes crashing down and the healthy baby that you expected turns out to be sick and handicapped? I can't even imagine the shock and disappointment that her family must have experienced, but the most inspiring thing is that she is so thankful and so positive. She doesn't see her baby as damaged or broken. Rather she thinks of him as perfect and as God intended him to be. I can't imagine myself being that strong in that situation, but maybe that's where God kicks in that mama strength that women have once they start breeding kids. :)

After reading her post, it's hard to not shed a tear just because her words and energy are so positive and encouraging. I feel like her community should be the one lifting her up, but her words in reverse made me look at my situation in a whole new perspective. I know that morning sickness and the woes of pregnancy are not candy canes and flowers, but really all I can do is be thankful that I have it. The sickness should be a constant reminder for me that my baby is in there, continuing to grow and that I should nurture it however that I can. The miracle of life is truly a miracle. Only God controls and knows how it all pans out. I feel like I've been taking this pregnancy for granted, saying mean things about how I can't wait for this baby to come out already, and how miserable I am all the time. Instead, I should be thankful that I am still pregnant and that I have to constantly be in prayer and trust that God will provide us with a 100% healthy baby with no special surprises. I could only hope and pray that I could be as strong of a woman/mother as my friend is and all of the other mothers out there who find special strength to raise their kids everyday. So at the end of the day, my mother was right. I do need to be more thankful. Thankful that I'm sick, thankful that we conceived easily, thankful the baby continues to fight on inside of me, thankful for my awesome support system...thankful... :)

Chilaquiles and Facebook

Today, I met one of my kindred spirits, Yoonj for a belated bday lunch for her. We followed the Yelpsters and tried out Anecalpo's Cafe in Santa Ana. I arrived in a foul disgusting mood ready to vomit, but left with a delicious  satisfied feeling and a stomach full of Chilaquiles. This dish is legit! And if my pregnant digestive system is allowing me to keep it down, then it's a major thumbs up in my book. It's a very simple sounding dish. Tortilla chips, a fried egg, cotija cheese, guacamole mouse, sour cream, pico de gallo, and some crazy red sauce that I'll call "crack". Easy on the eyes and easy to eat, and being the bloodsucking carnivore that I am, I normally need to have some sort of meat to call it a meal, but not with this dish. I wanted to take this moment to mention this note worthy meal that I actually enjoyed. Baby...are you secretly a Cholo/a wannabe much like your mama was back in the day? Is Mexican food the only thing that's gonna fully satisfy you while you're cooking in there? In that case, I'll do my best to appease you as long as we can work together harmoniously and you stop this business of the darn nausea. It's a give and take relationship, comprendes? At least for now...please forgive your selfish mommy...

Either way, lunch was a much needed reprieve from my oh so busy day of looking at Facebook all day. Yoonj even taught me a new way to say pornography...or maybe not a new way, but a throwback way of saying it. (don't ask what we were talking about, but hooray for strong whistle blowing women!) I've been feeling so disconnected from the rest of the world lately due to my anti-social behavior, that FB is my only cord to the outside world of friends and society. It's quite entertaining to secretly catch up with old friends and their lives without even having a real live conversation with them. Pictures and minute by minute update posts say a thousand words...literally...minute by minute??? Some of these old friends need to get new lives. ;0 Sorry...that's the hormones talking. ;)

It's only 1:55 PM and I'm ready for my daily 2 hour nap after work. Ah well...back to FB I go...

Week 13!

Here's my first attempt at journaling through my pregnancy and noting down all of the details that I may or may not want to remember down the road.

Can I say that pregnancy has been lovely thus far? Absolutely not! Call me a wimp, but I don't appreciate waking up in the middle of the night for pee runs or nausea attacks. Can't wait for the charlie horses to start in the middle of the night too...If you can't tell, dark moods have become my bff as of late. The hormones and mood swings make me try to avoid crowds of people like the plague in fear of "accidentally" screaming at someone for walking too slow in front of me. yikes...

Since today is the official start of my 2nd trimester, I expected to magically wake up this morning and see rainbows and unicorns. Maybe my positive thinking reinforced my body to support the hypothesis for a little while, but unfortunately, with a snack of some dried fruit, that dream went kaput.

Aside from the nausea, fatigue, lack of desire to be a part of the human race, I've been getting major gas attacks...my poor husband. At the risk of TMI, I look like I'm about 6-7 months pregnant since my gas filled belly is protruding more than normal. All I want to wear are dresses that don't touch my stomach in any way...so essentially mu mus are also my bffs.

Everyone keeps telling me to "hang in there", that it will "get better"...I genuinely want to believe them and not the devil on my shoulder that keeps saying that I will be my mother's daughter and have morning sickness until the day I go into labor. The thought alone makes me think that maybe I should pick up a new hobby of smoking some hierba...but I don't want to get my baby taken away by child services before it's born so I'll icksnay that idea.

I know that this first entry seems dark, negative and poopy...and that's pretty much my mood in a nutshell lately, but I'm sure the next entry will definitely be filled with strawberries and fairy dust. Well...maybe not strawberries, I don't do so well with fruit lately.
Underneath all of the bah humbug-ness...I really am excited and so extremely grateful to have a little peach bun cooking away in my oven. I feel so bad that I can't send good "ohms" the way of my baby right now...but I'm sure once the magic of 2nd trimester hits officially...I hope to turn into that glowy, blissful preggo that you see on TV and movies. And I would like to apologize in advance if you happen to be in my way and I mow you down. (literally and figuratively) :)